The Adrenalist

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For every cup of decaf coffee sipped across the globe, there is something artificially pumped up to pump you up.

Much of the caffeine steamed out of the bean is put into caffeine pills, daytime drugs like Excedrin, energy drinks and caffeinated soft drinks.

And now there’s a new stimulant in the cupboard.

It’s smokey, it’s chewy, it’s made out of meat, and it may soon be consumed by American soldiers.

“An army lab here is testing a beef jerky stick that looks and tastes just like your average Slim Jim but contains an equivalent of a cup of coffee’s worth of caffeine to give even the sleepiest soldier that up-and-at-’em boost,” Christian Davenport wrote last fall in The Washington Post.

The army is also testing a product called “Zapplesauce.” We’ll let you guess just what that might be.

For now, however, the closest thing on the consumer market is Perky Jerky, a dried beef product marinated in guarana — a berry found in the Amazon and often included in energy drinks.

Who’s hungry?

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